Money FM 89.3 Hongbin Jeong invited me onto The Agenda recently to talk about what it means to be a Gen X parent whose parenting has not stopped – and honestly, will not stop.
It was a conversation organised by St Andrew’s Autism Centre (SAAC), who have been one of the most important constants in our lives for over 15 years. What makes SAAC remarkable is that they provide almost end-to-end care across every life stage for persons with autism – from the school years through to adulthood and the Day Activity Centre. They anticipated the needs of families like ours before we even knew what those needs would be.
When Lucas was 10, I attended an orientation at SAAC and learned they were planning to extend their services to adults with autism. In that moment, I knew Lucas would need support for the rest of his life – and that I needed to make sure that support existed for him. I put him on the waiting list immediately.
Most of my peers at this stage of life are enjoying a kind of freedom they have been waiting for. The empty nest. The travel. The hobbies put on hold for twenty or thirty years. I understand that feeling. I just don’t access it the same way.
For close to 30 years I juggled caregiving alongside a demanding corporate career. A few years ago I restructured – not retired – into coaching, training, and advisory work. It gives me more control of my time, which matters more than ever right now. Because this stage of life is more complex than most people my age are navigating. Lucas still needs me every day. Earlier this year, I lost my mother. My father is getting older. The support structure I relied on for decades is shifting. So I find myself reconfiguring everything at once.
People often hear my story and tell me I am strong. I thank them. And then I tell them the rest. Because the strength is real – and so is the vulnerability. They are not opposites. They live in the same person, often on the same day, at the same time. Accepting both – really accepting both, not just saying it – has made me a better mother, a better professional, a better friend and a better person overall.
There is also something I wanted to make clear, because I think it matters for every caregiver reading this: I did not put my life on hold. I travelled. I had a long and demanding career. I started my own business. I am writing books – look out for those :). There were things I let go of, and I have made my peace with most of them. But you are allowed to build a life alongside the person you care for. It will look different from what you imagined. It may be richer than you expect.
We ran out of time before I could say the most important thing on air. So I am saying it here.
Find your people. Find that one person who, when you text them because something has shattered you, replies: “I get you.” Because they have been there too. And be open about what you are carrying. The support you need cannot find you if no one knows you need it.
You can listen to the full interview on Money FM 89.3’s The Agenda with Hongbin Jeong.
And if you are a fellow caregiver who would like to have a conversation, you know where to find me.
Photo credit: Money FM 89.3