“He doesn’t look autistic.”
I used to hear this all the time – whenever someone met Lucas for the first time.
My response? What do you expect “autistic” to look like? And I wasn’t being snarky, I really don’t know what “looking autistic” means.
Invariably, they will explain that Lucas “looks normal”. He looks just like me, especially if I have my glasses on.
Because he doesn’t have any of the physical characteristics that is often noted in people with some other disability like Down syndrome. Because he doesn’t sit in a wheelchair, wear a hearing aid, or carry a cane.
Because autism is an invisible disability, much like ADHD and dyslexia. If you observe them over an extended period of time, you might recognise some of the cues but not at first glance, not without understanding what you’re looking out for.
These days, with greater awareness of autism, we don’t get that question anymore. Instead, people will remark “Lucas looks much younger than his age.”
Yes, even though he sports a slight moustache, (he is a young man after all) Lucas generally gets mistaken for a much younger person.
A couple of years ago, Lucas and his younger cousin, Ilias, were seated side by side during dinner. Suddenly one of the adults at the table commented that the two of them looked like they could be peers. At 6-feet tall even then, Ilias looked (still does) far more grown up than his age and with Lucas looking much younger than his, it was hard to discern the 12-year age gap between them.
A few days later, I was out on a walk with the three boys (Lucas, Ilias and Evan, his other younger cousin) and one of them asked me “Why does Lucas look so young?”
The only way I could explain it:
– Lucas does not worry about school, homework or money.
– He doesn’t worry about the future. He lives truly in the present, sleeps when he’s tired, asks to eat and drink when he’s hungry and thirsty, and asks to shower when he feels grimy.
– He doesn’t bear grudges. He doesn’t hold against me what happened in the past (me yelling at him, for eg).
– He doesn’t worry if the girls like him or if he looks good. He doesn’t care what other people think about him, his clothes, the way he laughs and gestures.
Sure, sometimes he gets upset if he doesn’t get what he wants but he gets over it quickly and doesn’t hold grudges. He gets scared when there are sudden loud noises or if he sees or senses something he doesn’t like, but the feelings don’t last long after the causes of his fears are gone. There are times when having to do something stresses him out, but once it’s done, it’s done. Sometimes I can see he’s a bit down but those times are rare and usually when he’s tired or feeling a little unwell.
Otherwise, he’s cheerful, happy and contented with what he has. Sometimes he displays a cheeky side which leads me to think that he’s thinking of getting up to no good (which I’m secretly thrilled that he’s thinking so) and judging by his persistence on asking for a particular item or a song despite multiple ‘No’s, always hopeful.
That’s a rather good state to be in, I’d say. I sometimes wish I could approach life a little more like how he does. I might look more youthful too!
Every person with autism is different. How Lucas behaves is different from the other clients in the Day Activity Centre he’s in. How he respond to triggers, how he perceives the things he encounters. It is just how Lucas is.
April is World Autism Acceptance Month. If you have the chance, get to know someone on the autism spectrum. Not just today, nor this month. Any time. Get to know people who are on different parts of the spectrum. Each one is unique.
I welcome anyone who’d like to meet Lucas. Drop me a note using the contact form. Just be prepared for endless playbacks of Christmas carols or songs from boy bands.